Wednesday, 4 June 2014

16th April 2014




Obsessions, let’s talk about obsessions. There are people who are obsessed with art, with justice, with football etc. But I, I have an obsession to be a part of someone else’s life. 

I watch shows and read novels and get obsessed with them. Once I start I can’t stop. This is because I love to watch these people’s lives, understand them and live with them. When all the episodes and seasons and chapters and sequels end, I feel empty. It is as if someone has died or been ripped away from my soul because I no longer know what is happening in their lives. Shows and novels are fiction, but in reality as well I like to be a part of others lives. Not in a normal ‘I know them’ way, rather I like to understand them, live their lives and dreams with them. I like to be next to them when all their dreams come true. The smile on their face is enough to light up mine. This trait of my personality, I believe, I get from my mother who by far is the kindest person I know and will ever know. 

But when I have no shows, no novels and no people to dig deep into, I am truly empty and alone. It is then when I am left with myself, this is when I have absolutely no clue about what to do. My obsession is my escape from myself. I don’t have the strength to understand myself, follow my dreams or live my dreams. I fear myself and unraveling the darkest parts of myself. Running away from this fear, I find myself in the arms of others. In them I try to find the peace that I know I won’t find in them…

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